I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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