That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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