Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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