Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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