Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize