guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Drunk is not a location!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
