after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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