Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
