Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
