i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
