Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
