At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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