i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I love you. Go after that dick
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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