Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
