She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just cropdusted the office
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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