so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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