he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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