you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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