Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize