and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
