So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
