I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
