oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize