I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
