So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
