I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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