My brain says no but my pants say off.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
