And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
