im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
