I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
