They should really pass out barf bags in church
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
