I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
