allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
