You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
