i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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