Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
