you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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