I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
