The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
