is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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