i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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