Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
