apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
