Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
