I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
