Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
