I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
