it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Come see our sink grown plant.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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