I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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