Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
