I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
