At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
True strength comes from lack of pants
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
