Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
