plz talk dirty to me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
