well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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