How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
