On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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