dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
