Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
