whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
