Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
