I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
They are going to name an STD after you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize