Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
