I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
