if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize