So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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