I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
