Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
