Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
