I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize