he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
