And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
