Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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