How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
