I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
