Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize