I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
