i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
