Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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