So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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