He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
