Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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