Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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