he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
