he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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