I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
