There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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